A Paper and a Heart

This was originally a paper for my Psychology class but I thought that I would share it with everyone. In the paper we had to describe people, events, and circumstances that have shaped us to become who we are. The part that I have included here is about Universal and how much it has impacted my life. Enjoy.

"Living in Los Angeles almost everyone has "The Story". "The Story" is when they met Bradley Cooper or saw Tom Cruise driving down Wilshire Blvd. My story is how I grew up in a world famous theme park. Since 2003 Universal Studios Hollywood has been my second home. Growing up my former best friend's dad was a driver for the studios. My friend and I would get picked up from school and then taken to Universal and told to stay in the park until he called us with a meeting spot. Now you could imagine, two pre-teen girls running around a theme park, it was incredible. After a while people started to recognize the two of us, asking if we were the same girls that were just there a day ago. We would respond yes and then giggle but the truth is, after a few months those people, these actors, became our friends and then they became our family. I am the friendly, outgoing, not shy person that I am because of Universal Studios. Being in such a friendly atmosphere introduced me to a world of mature, friendly adults and young adults who were and are my mentors and my guidance to "the real world". Some of the people I have met during my adventures at Universal are people whom I now consider my family. They have been with me through happy and sad times. They have helped me through deaths and watched me graduate High School. Universal taught me about a sense of family and trust and love within people who originally, I might have never even talked to or had nothing in common with. Universal will always hold a very special dear place in my heart for all that it has done for me. Not to mention all the hot guys it had introduced me to. In all seriousness though, my best friend whom I mentioned earlier in the paper, I met her at Universal and now we have a friendship, a connection, a love, a bond that no person or event could ever break. I would like to say thank you to Universal Studios."


That was just one section of the paper I wrote.

Don't Let Me Fall

I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately. Probably has something to do with this big birthday I have coming up. I wonder if I ever will get over her death. I mean when you think about it, it's not like I knew her, how could I be so devastated? I have come to the realization that it's not her I miss, how could I ? I miss he thought of her. People talk about her around me and I just sit there thinking, I don't really want to hear this. I guess I inherited that from my father. He never talks about her. I think I like it that way though, I don't want to live any more of a Lifetime movie then I already am.


On to the good stuff. Boys. Ever wish we could simply go back to first grade when boys had cooties and we did not worry about relationships or sex or love? The only love we were concerned with was that of Mr.Cuddles (the teddy bear). Then you grow up and love becomes so much more complicated. It is no longer unconditional, cooties are real and deadly, and you learn to the fullest where babies really do come from. I have one guy that wants nothing but sex, another who wants a full blown relationship, a man who confesses his love for me but is engaged to another and a young man who just doesn't know what he wants. Welcome to my life. I think I might boycott men for a while. I don't mean just give them up but shut my self off from relationships or even the thought of one. It is simply unnecessary at this point in my life.

I know this one was a little random. Needed to say some of that stuff though. I hope that everyone is having a safe and happy holidays. 2010 really has been quite an interesting year. Lots of stuff has happened and not happened. Some for the better and some for the worse...but that's life. Almost my birthday. TOTALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT. You have no idea. It's going to be INCREDIBLE. Hope you all are doing fantastic!

A Little Bit of Everything

Today just sucked. Simply sucked. What's that quote about how you can't choose your family that's why God created friends? Well that is exactly how I feel today. I made plans to go out with my cousin and because of other family our plans got all messed up. I feel so disappointed. I feel like somehow it's my fault.

On a happier note, I sent my really good friend a birthday present this week. Now I know what you all are thinking, wow, a birthday present, big deal, but my friend Erin is currently in Singapore right now working at Universal Studios Singapore. I thought it would be nice for her to receive something from back home.

I've been house sitting for one of the families I normally babysit for. I have actually really enjoyed it. I like living by myself. At first I was a little freaked out because normally I do not like sleeping in a house or an apartment by myself, but then after the first night I realized I really enjoyed it. Too bad they come home on Saturday, ha. Started my first day of College today at Los Angeles City College over on Vermont and Santa Monica Blvd. It was pretty cool. My professors seem okay for right now. I have not had all my classes yet though. Only two out of the four. I will let ya'll know how it goes after my first full week =)

Could be?

I recently got back in touch with an old friend from middle school. When I say friend, well old boyfriend. But come on now, boyfriends in Junior High School? Do they even count? Anyways we have been talking almost everyday and are planning on getting together to hang out and catch up when I get home.

Makes you realize how important friends are. We were talking and reminiscing about things that happened while we were in school. I realized that every memory I had of him we all good. I could not remember one bad thing. It made me wonder why we ever fell out of contact in the first place? I am so happy that we are now back in touch. I can't wait to hang out with him.

So I suggest that you go call that one person, the friend that you always think about but haven't talked to in forever! Go, now, do it.

Returning To My Roots

So here I am in Margate, New Jersey. Where I am from originally. I know I know, most people who meet me think, "Wow, she was born to be a California Girl". Sorry to disappoint, but I was born in South Jersey. Back in May when I found out I was going to get to go home for a little bit I was so excited. It meant that I would get to see family and friends that I haven't seen in years. That excitement was with me all through graduation, the parties, even the awful drive to LAX. It was when I finally sat down in my seat that I realized how SAD I actually was to be going home. I started thinking about how the place I was going, was the last place my mother ever was. For those of you don't know, my mom died when I was 15 months old. So roughly April of 1994. I never really knew her. I have been enjoying myself while home. It has been fantastic to see all these people who I have lost touch with. I just cannot help the part of me that wants to scream at all of these people who got to spend so much time with my mother. In my mind and in my heart, it is not fair. What did they do right and I do wrong that I didn't get to know her?
My mom and me.

It's funny really because while being in New Jersey I have become homesick. Meaning I miss Los Angeles. Maybe I just miss my routines with my friends, or maybe I just miss my dad. My father has become my life over the past years. Between his health issues and everything else that this world has been throwing at us, I have really opened my eyes to how important family is. I love my dad. When you get a chance, go give yours a hug or call him. Let him know you were thinking of him.

My dad and I at my graduation.

Letting Go

If you are someone who knows me personally, then you probably know exactly who this is about. Otherwise, everyone has felt like this at least once in their life. I fell in love, in love with someone who was off limits, someone who I could not have. I spent years twisting words, making comments mean more then they did, seeing expressions as something more, basically lying to myself. It never did any good. It never was going to. I knew that, deep down. I put out the effort, kept in contact, always supported them. They were grateful, do not get the wrong impression of them please. They were never anything but amazing. I supported them and they supported me, there were just too many differences. I am not mad, a little sad yes, a little heart broken sure, but never angry. I would not be there person I am today without said person.

To say that I have moved on, well that would be a bit of lie. I still love them, I probably always will, but I have come to realize that I simply cannot be in love with them anymore. Love is such a strong emotion and something that I believe in and the thing that I need to keep in mind is that I cannot let love take over my life.

I watched two a my friends, a couple, break up. Two people who were so great with each other and it made me see how difficult relationships really are. After Chase died, I never really wanted to consider a relationship again. Many people know my lifestyle, my aspect on love, sex, life. Now I might have met someone who is changing that for me. It is way too early to even determine that, but I have this gut feeling. The type of gut feeling that you just want to trust and invest in.

What will be different this time is that I will not let myself get hurt. I simply cannot allow it. The person who this is dedicated to knows who he is, not that he will ever admit, nor will I. Hopefully our friendship will last forever.