If you are someone who knows me personally, then you probably know exactly who this is about. Otherwise, everyone has felt like this at least once in their life. I fell in love, in love with someone who was off limits, someone who I could not have. I spent years twisting words, making comments mean more then they did, seeing expressions as something more, basically lying to myself. It never did any good. It never was going to. I knew that, deep down. I put out the effort, kept in contact, always supported them. They were grateful, do not get the wrong impression of them please. They were never anything but amazing. I supported them and they supported me, there were just too many differences. I am not mad, a little sad yes, a little heart broken sure, but never angry. I would not be there person I am today without said person.
To say that I have moved on, well that would be a bit of lie. I still love them, I probably always will, but I have come to realize that I simply cannot be in love with them anymore. Love is such a strong emotion and something that I believe in and the thing that I need to keep in mind is that I cannot let love take over my life.
I watched two a my friends, a couple, break up. Two people who were so great with each other and it made me see how difficult relationships really are. After Chase died, I never really wanted to consider a relationship again. Many people know my lifestyle, my aspect on love, sex, life. Now I might have met someone who is changing that for me. It is way too early to even determine that, but I have this gut feeling. The type of gut feeling that you just want to trust and invest in.
What will be different this time is that I will not let myself get hurt. I simply cannot allow it. The person who this is dedicated to knows who he is, not that he will ever admit, nor will I. Hopefully our friendship will last forever.
